Command & Conquer Red Alert 3: Uprising Cast

You may recall EA's successful blatant attempt to lure male gamers to Red Alert 3 late last fall. With such a delightful disgusting combination of curves and skintight "uniforms," I wrote a cease and desist letter to EA demanding an end to such obvious attempts to recruit hormonal adults teens to C&C bliss slavery.

Looking at the newly released cast details, it would appear they listened...sorta.



As usual the painful dialogue and over-the-top sets will be present. You know, the kind that make you want to protect C&C like a rabbit you would hug and squeeze and call "George"? Nobody else has the panache and loving caress to pull it off game after game like C&C.

And make no mistake: luscious eye candy like Jamie Chung, Jodi Lyn O'Keefe, Holly Valance, Gemma Atkinson and Ivana Milicevic will still show up, but the additions of a couple male figures might mute the magic.

Malcolm McDowell and Ric Flair have been enlisted to reduce my raging inferno of enthusiasm for the C&C plot to a flickering candle in the wind. Being the principled man that I am, I am boycotting Red Alert 3: Uprising for its abject failure to elicit a response fitting of its title. It's going to take much more than a teen ESRB rating to counteract the presence of gramps and fake-baked Gigantor, and I don't think EA can pull it off.

Read some gaming reviews while you're here, find a gaming laptop worthy of the C&C franchise, or read a few more posts, will ya?

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